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Epics that start with “A” December 18, 2009

Posted by markgeil in Epic Posts.
Tags: ,

Oh, the bliss of schedules and commitments releasing their relentless grip on life as December draws to a close! Today will mark my last day in the office for 2009 and the girls’ last day of school. I’ll still have some work stuff to do, but no more 5 AM alarm clocks! No more freezing cold office that makes my fingers numb if I type on the keyboard for too long! No more students complaining about their final grade even though they missed half the labs! Christmastime really is here after all.

We’ve marked the occasion with two straight days of epic movies starting with the letter “A”. As you know, “epic” is a synonym for “long”. Remember how you winced in high school when the word “epic” was paired with the word “poem”? I think epic is supposed to have some additional meaning, but mostly for something to be an epic it must be really really long. Our movies fit the definition quite well.

Last night’s epic was Australia. Amy has been on the waiting list at the library for this DVD for 6 months now, and it finally came in. So, we shoved the kids off to bed (bedtime is so easy now that the kids are older, by the way), pushed the popcorn button on the microwave, I cracked open a purple Mountain Dew (if you haven’t tried the Mountain Dew Voltage, you must… oh the bliss of no more work AND purple Mountain Dew!) and started the epic. See what I did there? I wrote an EPIC sentence about an EPIC movie!

Australia started as a cowboy movie, which was cool. The main cowboy was Wolverine from X-Men. Strangely, he never once used his adamanatium claws, though they surely would have come in handy on the ranch. Nicole Kidman was Shannon from that Tom Cruise Ireland movie. She meets Wolverine while he’s punching people, just like Tom Cruise was punching people in that Ireland movie. Wolverine could beat up Tom Cruise, by the way.

The cowboy movie ended, and then two other movies happened, all in the same movie. That’s why it was an EPIC. I kept wanting Keith Urban to show up, and then I wanted Wolverine and Shannon from Ireland and Keith Urban to sing a cowboy song together, but Amy said that would have been weird and it would have messed up the love story with Shannon and Wolverine. It would have also been cool if Tom Cruise showed up and said, “Shannon! Shannon! I love ya’! You step away, Wolverine! I’ve no wish to fight ya’! I’m of Ireland, ya’ know!” and then Wolverine could bust out his claws and growl and go all X-Men on Tom Cruise. They should have let me make this epic.

Today’s “Epic that starts with A” is Avatar. James Cameron no longer makes normal-length movies. After Titanic was such a success, he realized that movie audiences are charged the same whether the movie is 90 minutes or 120 minutes, and movie audiences must want more movie for their money. Consequently, Avatar is 162 minutes long. Seriously, I’m not making that up. ONE HUNDRED SIXTY TWO MINUTES! We’re going to the cool new NCG theater near us that has free refills on all popcorn and drinks. I’m thinking of hiring someone to be my refiller. They could just hang out in the aisle, and when they see I’m running low they would shuffle out and get my refill. Of course, then I would need a catheter as well, so maybe that’s a bad idea.

I am really looking forward to this epic-length epic. I have not seen any of this new generation of 3-D movies, and this one is supposed to be stellar. The last 3-D movie I remember was Jaws 3 in 3-D, which I saw with my brothers and some friends back in 1983. I remember laughing out loud when the half-eaten fish “floated” out toward the audience with the two toothpicks sticking out of the eaten end. Remember the guy who wears the 3-D glasses during the whole movie in Back to the Future? He must have a killer headache. That was bad 3-D. I’m told that Avatar is really good 3-D. Can’t be worse than Jaws 3.

So, yes, I’m probably wasting upwards of 6 hours of my life watching epic cowboy X-Men and Irish-Australian women and blue people in 3-D. And yes, I’m reading this book called Spiritual Leadership that’s all about using your time for constructive book-reading and learning, so I should probably be reading some historical tome, but I don’t care. Christmas is here, vacation is here, bring on the popcorn!



1. Epics that start with “A” « A Window in the World | Drakz News Station - December 19, 2009

[…] the original here: Epics that start with “A” « A Window in the World Share and […]

2. Epics that start with “A” « A Window in the World | Drakz News Station - December 19, 2009

[…] link: Epics that start with “A” « A Window in the World Share and […]

3. D.S. - December 21, 2009

Epic, doesn’t that come from the same word as ipecac? They sorta sound alike, but if they’re not related then they should be since both usually induce vomiting. As will two and a half hours of unlimited soda and popcorn, but that’s another matter altogether.

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